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Matchmakers / relationship brokers

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freejack View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote freejack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Matchmakers / relationship brokers
    Posted: 12 Sep 13 at 23:32
I've heard of women paying a lot of money to other women to get them set up online (such as Thai Love Links) to meet a foreigners.

I would assume there are local brokers / matchmakers who set up a foreigner and a local lady?

I'm sure these brokers are expensive, at least to the local woman, but it may be a fast track for two people to meet.

Not that I'd use this service, but this is a pretty widespread practice across a lot of cultures.

Some people want a convenient way to meet. Sure, the woman wants economic security, that's often been the case, historically, anywhere, and the guy has wanted someone whom he can just live with and take care of.

Has anyone heard of these services in Thailand - first or second-hand?
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fceligoj View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote fceligoj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 13 at 23:55
Patrick, instead of asking us guys about this, why don't you go and register on "Thai Love Links" and experiment a little.  So what if it costs you 800 Baht so you can converse with Thai Women (just watch out for the ladyboys who get on this social website and are looking for men too.)
 
There are many, many Thai women looking for men.  Many of them are professionals with good jobs, own homes, cars, etc.  A majority of them have children from previous marriages (probably not legalized marriage since it was not in vogue in thailand to be registered married.)  Thai men liked an easy way out of a relationship so they could totally be with their mia noi's.
 
Yes, I know of one 'matchmaker' who I would never recommend, but she is really looking out for thai women, not male farangs.
 
The other way, talk to one of your friends who has been here and has a Thai girl friend, if he could ask her to find you a lady friend.  I guarantee she will find more than one who would like to meet a well-healed farang.  She could be single or maybe she is married and wants a 'pun noi' for herself since her husband ignores her.
 
So if you are that interested in this Thai culture, go try it out, no harm done.  No real commitment needed.  It is relaly up to you.
 
Then you could come back to the Forum and report to all of us all of your successes!
 
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freejack View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote freejack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 00:35
Yes, thanks for the input. I've tried TLL, as a paid member. One failure and numerous thumbs-down on some of the characters on there. There was one girl who was only a call-girl, reading between the lines. A couple who seemed a bit mental. Not that it's a bad service, it's one easily available service that is very convenient.

I was just curious about local matchmaking at a non-electronic/online level. Apologies, I should have been clear about that. But, yes, TLL is a viable resource, just wondering about others.

A problem with the online thing - a picture or more can be deceiving. We may go after someone or turn someone down based on a picture, and may never know, because of the lack of initial social interaction, that there were qualities that would make the other person a good (or bad) option.

It's too easy to filter people out and who would make a good spouse. There might be a girl whom you feel, based on looks, to be immature (as younger than you are looking for) who may actually be very mature. Or a younger lady who has a limit to whom she'd like to meet, but might filter out a fella who would be a good catch, despite being one or two years outside of the range she has set. The emotional/psychological/can't put into words/magic spark connection between two people isn't necessarily a viable option using the electronic medium of the Internet.

Speaking of online dating, just out of curiosity, I checked Match.com for a couple of cities and the options there were not as good, or anywhere close, compared to the general population of singles. There are some people on match for years. It was a bit disappointing.

One has to be careful with these sites. I've seen where a woman has five nice pictures, looking really fit fit and all, then you look at her stats and see that she's 5'1" and weights about 150 pounds/68 kilos. Ha. Using some old photos.

A disadvantage to online, as mentioned, is that you may not get a representative sample of what is available out there. You may only get a sliver of what is available or only get a certain demographic/type.

For instance, maybe very shy types, or those simply uncomfortable with the online scene, not using the service.

Some guy in Thailand was helping his wife's sister find a guy on TLL. He said a lot of the guys were making disgusting requests and comments, purely looking for action or some pictures, if you know what I mean. I could see that turning off some women.

Also, some people/populations, are not up to speed with the online world.

In other words, broader and multiple "nets" would be useful in scoping out potential opportunities.

Matchmaker-type services are useful for accelerating the process, particularly if two people are in different social circles and don't have the opportunity to cross paths.

Like a lot of people, I love electronics and the Internet, but I've come to understand it's not the be-all solution, although it is a particular solution/option.

Patrick


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rexall Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 07:41

I am not knocking these services.  I have used them in the past, and also personals in the U.S. a couple of lifetimes ago.  I have has some good and some bad experiences.  HOWEVER,  unless you are just a naturally "social" person (which would me social in your home country as well as  overseas), dating is hard work. Those who don't have problems dating in their home country, won't have problems dating here.  However, for a lot of us dating  is full of awkwardness, anxiety and uncertainty.  It is not a particularly pleasant experience, and a lot of us look at it as a "means to an end" hoping to get it over with as soon as possible and get to the good part.  Finding the right partner can take a long long time.  That is, many, many "dates," over months, and probably the worstworst mistake someone can make is jumping into the first relationship that makes itself available just because it is available and the urge to have a partner seems very attractive and very pressing at the moment.

If you are using dating services as a shortcut, as a easier, softer way to avoid the hard work of meeting and dating and wooing and mating, you can end up making some really bad (and expensive) mistakes, as so many guys do, as you can read about here and elsewhere.  These ready-made relationships, marriages, families that seem so easy and so tempting in Thailand are a real hazard in my opinion.  However, that urge or pressing necessity to have that "Ozzie and Harriet" sitcom family right away is something that may be very hard to resist for some.

Take it slow. I mean really slow.   Try to enjoy the process, if you can. Go on a BUNCH of dates before you start getting serious about anyone.  If and when do do begin to get serious . . . still go slow.  If this person is truly interested in you, they are not going anywhere, and gawd knows, Thailand is not going to run out of women any time soon who think that fat, balding men twice their age are just the neatest thing since sliced bread.  

If this pi**es you off, you probably are one of the ones who needs to hear it the most!

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Pianoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 08:15
Originally posted by freejack freejack wrote:

I've heard of women paying a lot of money to other women to get them set up online (such as Thai Love Links) to meet a foreigners.

I would assume there are local brokers / matchmakers who set up a foreigner and a local lady?

I'm sure these brokers are expensive, at least to the local woman, but it may be a fast track for two people to meet.

Not that I'd use this service, but this is a pretty widespread practice across a lot of cultures.

Some people want a convenient way to meet. Sure, the woman wants economic security, that's often been the case, historically, anywhere, and the guy has wanted someone whom he can just live with and take care of.

Has anyone heard of these services in Thailand - first or second-hand?
 
Several years ago I met a nice Thai Gentleman who was raised from the age of about 10 or 12, by his Thai Aunt who lived in the U.S....   He had just returned to live in Thailand and and was in his middle to late 30's...  He spoke Thai but did not read or write Thai at all,  and made contact with an Isaan Lady thru the Internet prior to arriving...   She met him at the airport upon his arrival, latched on to him and within a few months they were married and moved up here...
 
Found out after knowing them for about 6 months that  his Thai wife has for several years been charging Thai women around our city anywhere from 20,000 to 50,000 baht just to help them contact a "Farang" thru the Internet,  and then another 20,000 to 50,000 baht if they come to Thailand to meet their new found Thai Lady,  and once again 20K to 50K if they get married...
 
The word around town is that the only "Husband" that she has been able to find is her own, but has charged numerous Lades the "Internet Contact Fee" with lies and promises about all of her success for others..
 
Pianoman
Everything in Moderation, including Moderation....
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freejack View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote freejack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 10:14
Sad to hear about the scam artists. Many of these women probably borrowed the money to find someone only to get ripped off. Sad.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote freejack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 10:21
I may need to clarify: by matchmaker, I would mean someone who just brings together people from different social circles, but that's where the service ends and it's not intended for a quick and definite path to marriage. Anything worthwhile is probably difficult.

Definitely, takes time to make sure someone is suited to you, you are suited to each other, and the other person isn't carrying some unwanted baggage.

I've had female coworkers, although I would not date or marry them, seemed like very, very nice people. However, after a year or two, after you have socialized a bit more, their guard comes down and you are happy you are not living with that person.

Several of the women I have recently worked with seemed very, very sweet, but letting down their guard, they show themselves to be impossible people to live with.

So, no coincidence, some of them have never been married or have been single for a very long time.

I don't see where some women get the idea that its the advancement of the female species to be power hungry and controlling. Just my take on it.

Certainly, marriage should be an option and not necessarily an end game to a Leave it to Beaver life.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote fceligoj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 11:26
Patrick, a couple of things that I am passing on to you.
 
1.  You sound just like the proverbial tire kicker.  Go to the showroom, check out the new cars, try and get a test drive, but not interested in buying.
 
2.  There was a saying back at my company there are many people who talk the talk, but only a few that walk the walk.  Enough said.
 
3.  Pertaining to Thai women.  There is currently much on the news about farang scammers (or those acting like Englishmen or Americans) who are really from Nigeria or Malaysia, etc., that make most Thai women afraid of responding to a foreigner on TLL who 'says' he is living in America, may be a scammer.
 
4.  Like you said, you could read between the lines about many of the women, I also think the women can read between the lines about the men on TLL.
 
5.  It is much better for farangs who are living in Thailand and use TLL.  I found in the first 3 days over 100 responses from throughout Thailand, of which I was only interested in the ones in and around KKC.  Also, it is easy to see the ones who met my criteria, university graduates, good job or own their own business, etc.  Of the 100, it was easy to pick the best 5.  Pictures?  If the pictures are crappy, then the girl is not of interest.  If they are serious, they will put very nice pictures on their site.
 
6.  At least if you are in Thailand, and you see ones of interest, you can ask them to meet you for lunch at a very public place, like the Pullman Restaurant.  If they want to bring their girlfriend along, it is then up to you to decide if you want to meet them.
 
7.  Oh yes, be honest on your profile.  If you are not, they will not be interested in you, as you would not be interested in them if they are not honest on their profile.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote freejack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 11:41
Frank, thanks for the feedback. I'll have to be the tire kicker until I get over there one day on a permanent or semi-annual basis. None of the virtual relationship stuff for now. It's too much work and too much risk (more than I would want to take.)

Interesting response rate - like real estate, part of it is about location, location, location.

Many of the women there do not want to relocate to another country. The ones that do, often target a specific country. Maybe because a friend married a person of a particular nationality.

To be fair, online searching is definitely a viable option. I found my car and my house online. Easier than using an agent...

Patrick

I should make it clear that my original question was a bit anthropological. Just curious if those avenues existed for meeting others - as an option.

Ideally, for me, it would be fun to drive around there (or walk) and meet people and see what happens. Hard for some of us to do in our home countries, but seems easier in another land.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ricrae Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 13 at 15:54
Freejack, u mentioned kicking the tires and coming over on a semi-annual basis...this to me is a long-distance relationship and as a word of advice (you've heard it before), be prepared for anything even if a new relationship feels just perfect.

I recommend that after u have met someone from here, make the time to learn the language. You must thoroughly understand the culture and how your woman fits in with it or not, and why. You can only hope to achieve this by living here with your woman on a full time basis.

You are right in assuming that they want to be taken care of and you are prepared for it. That could turn out to be a critical understatement if u have not properly budgeted financially and emotionally for the relationship. No matter what class or education your woman has attained, you will be expected to pay for everything (and anything that might arise in the future). Do not make the mistake of making a family budget that you think you and your loved one will adhere to. Do not make the mistake of thinking your loved one will wait on you hand and foot after u have supplied all of her financial and emotional needs.

My take on things out here is its survival of the fittest. Whether your woman is a professional or a country farm gal, you will need to fully understand thai women.
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